Taking back what's rightfully ours

Why lesbians need to speak up & enforce boundaries

Dear lesbian reader, 

Welcome to the first official post of The Critical Butch newsletter. 

Chances are you’ve seen the premise in my previous post, but in case you’ve missed it, don’t worry — you’ll be quickly caught up.

Today, I am keen to finally set the scene for this publication and lay the foundation of the very essence of why I write.

For several years now I have been sitting by the sidelines, watching the lesbian community stumble, crumble, be crushed under the weight of larger forces we have been unable to control — whether that is males or male-attracted women invading our spaces, or our genuine lack of ability to set and/or enforce boundaries.

The latter requires us to be clear about them in the first place, and you’ll soon find there are zero misunderstandings with me about where I stand. 

Lesbians get lumped along with the GBTQ+, with whom we have little to nothing in common with. Except with the G, with whom we share the aspect of homosexuality — however polar opposite from ours.

It is a tiring pretense to act like we share any common characteristics with the B, T and Q+, and frankly, it’s been harmful to lesbians to go along with this ride.

Am I advertising lesbian separatism? I’ll leave those conclusions to be drawn by you.

My interest in reclaiming lesbian-only spaces stems from several different experiences.

For one, the complete sham and ridiculousness that pride parades offer, and the invisibility of lesbians within. Then there is the utter joke that are some so-called “Dyke Marches”, where there are maybe five actual dykes in total; plus the nonsense that is spewed online about what it means to be a lesbian.

Most importantly, it stems from a genuine need to find like-minded individuals with shared experiences. This is not to say lesbians aren’t a diverse group of people: we come in all ages, sizes, ethnicities, nationalities and social backgrounds.

Yet, we all share the same understanding of the world: we are all women who are exclusively attracted to other women and we are targeted, ridiculed and ostracized for our being females who lack of attraction to males.

I know for a fact I am not the only lesbian who feels isolated from her own and who feels a strong sense of urgency for us to come together — now more than ever — because we have been divided for far too long.

Some of us have lost our once blossoming communities — the very safe havens where we could let our shoulders drop and kick back — and observed them being cannibalized from within; some of us have never experienced such a thing, having waken up to a world where homosexuality was sidelined, and the “queerdom” (though queer-doom is perhaps a better fit) swept in and overtook everything our elders had built.

Out of all this, one of the things that has astonished me the most is both the reluctance of homosexual females to claim the word lesbian as their own, calling it “dirty” and “obsolete” (go ahead then, call me a dinosaur) and on the opposite end, the appropriation of it by people whom do not fit the definition of lesbian — whether that is women who are attracted to men, or actual men.

Funny, isn’t it? Growing up, I was terrified at the thought of calling myself a lesbian, knowing all along that’s what I was — because I knew its meaning, however fearful I was to claim it. And also because of the associated negative stereotypes.

Suddenly, I found myself in the midst of dark woods, alone, watching from the distance as people usurped and sucked up my very essence, and as they tried to redefine — or worse — correct my existence.

I blame the rise in identity politics, and the concept of “identity” as something that you can purloin from someone else’s experience, rather than something that is deep-seated in you from the understanding of your material reality: the very air that you breathe and the very road that you walk on.

Let me be very clear: I don’t identify as a lesbian, I am a lesbian because I am an exclusively-same-sex-attracted female. I don’t identify as a woman, I am a woman because I was born and raised female.

Personhood is not as simple as an identity. It is a reality, and it would be foolish and immature to pretend otherwise.

Surely someone out there is still sensible enough to agree on these basic, very simple terms.

There are a few more which are extremely important to me and essential for us, as lesbians — whether you personally identify with them or not — to be fiercely protected and guarded against misuse and misappropriation of our shared cultural understandings.

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Butch is a more “masculine” presenting, gender-non-conforming lesbian. Only lesbians can be or reclaim the word “Butch”. 

Femme is a more “feminine” presenting, gender-non-conforming lesbian. Only lesbians can be or reclaim the word “Femme”.

Dyke is originally a slur targeted at lesbians, now reclaimed by some. Only lesbians can be or reclaim the word “Dyke”. 

*Woman is an adult human female. You must be born female to be such.

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We have watched people make uneducated guesses about what our culture and history stands for; we stood by the sidelines, raging as non-lesbians dominated the lesbian scene and appropriated our terminology, tarnishing its meanings — as if they were silly aesthetics to be picked up and dropped at the top of a hat.

Well, I say no more of this. Moving forward, I thoroughly intend on making my voice as a butch lesbian, as a woman, and as a feminist be heard, and I hope you’ll find the strength — through this channel or others — to do the same.

It’s time to reclaim what’s rightfully ours.

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Final words: this substack welcomes and encourages the development of critical thinking, which is deeply lacking in our current culture.

I invite you to reflect and not jump to rash conclusions, and to engage respectfully.

You won’t find yourself agreeing with everything I say, in fact, I have many so called “controversial opinions”. I am okay with that, I am not everyone’s cup of tea — none is.

It would be dreadful if I spent my entire life accommodating and making everyone else “feel safe”… *cough cough* can you imagine a worse fate?

I’ll be back here soon with fresh topics to discuss and matters to bring your attention to, so, stay tuned, make yourself some tea, sit down, breathe, read, enjoy.

Take life easy today and know this: you’re not alone.

- The Critical Butch 

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4.11.24
*I had forgotten to put the definition of woman in the original version — sadly, it seems some people still need a reminder.

I have updated the text in bold and italic characters, and broke it into smaller paragraphs to make it easier to digest.