Tales Of A Gender-Critical Butch

The Femme gaze, Butch womanhood, and why you can't control people's assumptions.

Dear lesbian reader,


In a rush? Go ahead and jump to the section you’re interested in (although… you might want to read the rest):

1. The Femme Gaze: what my femme thinks about boobs & other “butch assets”.

2. Butchness: is it compatible with womanhood or is it just a stepping stone to “trans”?

3. Assumptions: what queer TRAs and some tiny, fractional minority of the GC movement gets wrong about Butch lesbians.

4. Butch Lesson: why you should keep on expressing your gender-critical views.

Even less time to read? You can now listen to this episode on-the-go… with a weird recorded voice. I’ll put mine in there as soon as I can figure out how to override my accent and talking speed.

Let’s dive in!

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The Femme Gaze & ‘Butch Assets’

It’s ten in the evening. I am cozily tucked in bed & ready to fall asleep.

My fiancée is reading a book next to me and—as I am drifting off—I feel her hand travel up my arm. After a short while, it moves to my right breast.

Let me squash your hopes right there—this isn’t going to be a steamy kind of story.

Every day before sleep, my Femme squeezes my bicep and kisses me goodnight—it’s part of our routine.

My eyes are closed, but I am smiling at her compliments. Her hand is lingering, so I tease: “You enjoying yourself?”

She says, “It’s so soft,” and, after a pause, “I am so glad you have boobs.”

“One of the last few standing,” I joke, “aren’t you a lucky Femme?”

She agrees, and leans in for a hug, resting her head on my chest.

I don’t have social media, so she tells me about a butch lesbian we both know making a pro-trans statement on Instagram—in light of the great win at the UK’s Supreme Court—as if it regards or threatens her in any personal way.

“Another one bites the dust,” I try to lighten-up.

Then, my Femme expresses how frustrating it is that all the “lesbian” accounts depict butches without breasts as something celebratory.

She explains how attractive an unmistakably female-butch body is to her. “That’s the thing,” she speaks very matter-of-factly, “Boobs are an essential element of the butch attire.”

In fact—when I inquire about it—she refers to visible breasts, biceps and strong-looking legs as “butch assets”¹.

I laugh, but I think she’s onto something. What about you?

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Wait… Butch Lesbians are… Women?!

You may have noticed Butches being used as “poster girls” for the Trans movement.

It is arrogantly assumed that any butch lesbian must hate her body and—to put it crudely—want to chop parts of it off; or that, in the event she doesn’t, she must bend over and pledge allegiance to the gender gods.

Otherwise… what kind of gender freak would support TERFs, who want to banish GNC people like her into the lowest regions of hell?

Paraphrasing for theatrical effect… but you get the gist.

It always comes out when they’re upset, what people really think about butch lesbians (along with weird, paranoid prejudices against gender-critical women).

The two social categories you can occupy as a butch lesbian are, apparently: “not trans, but supportive of gender ideology" or “trans".

That’s it. Nothing else? Really? That’s some lack of creativity right there, ladies.

The assumption that a butch must hate herself for being female is not just preposterous, it-it’s… you know what? Unsurprising.

From ‘The Lesbian Erotic Dance’ by JoAnn Loulan, © 1990 — Chapter 6, page 130

I can see why, for people who spend disproportionate amounts of time on the internet or in queer spaces, “butch” has become synonymous with “possessing special gender feelings”²

After all, these are the archetypes available:

1. He/Him “Transmasc” fat Becky who won’t show her face in public without painting a fake mustache on her upper-lip and who dates a trans-identified-male she calls her “girlfriend”

2. The insecure breast-binder who who thinks she’s dating a “Femme”³ despite the latter’s explicit sexual interest in men and eagerness in comparing the former to them, leaving the insecure lesbian with “no choice but to transition”

3. The lesbophobic, hyper-male-identified “butch4butch”⁴ “trans4trans” twink-looking, mullet-having couple who reinforce each other’s gender delusions

Whichever way you slice it, you can tell when someone’s read too much quack theory or Stone Butch Blues (the worst, most depressing & fucked up “lesbian book"⁵ to ever exist).

Here’s my reaction when I first read it:

If that’s your “Lesbian Bible”, we better ask Jesus to come back to life, fix this madness, then die again for our sins.

Some late Easterly Catholic humor for you…

Those folks will be shocked that, in real life, you can spot a Butch almost anywhere in the wild—tits intact, stoic stance, Femme proudly holding her arm.

Butches⁶ without an ounce of self-doubt exist. Even more mind blowing: Femmes⁷, attracted to Butches exclusively, for the quality of being “masculine” females—without ever questioning their own homosexuality—also exist!

Crazy, I know!

“Butch” isn’t a gender identity or a stepping stone to “trans”. Being a woman (i.e. biological female) is one of the few basic requirements to qualify as “Butch”.

Trans-gender ideology aims to erase lesbians. Hell, it aims to erase the whole female category.

I have–want nothing to do with an ideology that is fundamentally incompatible with who I am and that wants me in a submissive, self-loathing position.

What even is “butch” about that?

Look, there are natural downfalls that come with walking out as a Butch Lesbian in this world. Priorly, I’ve mentioned experiencing hostility and aggression. But, more than anything, I find people to be just genuinely confused.

My appearance and manners befuddle strangers. Undecided about what to refer to me as, they quickly glance down at my chest before… realizing.

I used to be uncomfortable and embarassed by it; now I get it—I’d do it too! I came to view my boobs as my “shield of armor”—without them, I’d rarely be read as female.

Personally, I am happy to be me. I like my body. My Femme likes my female body (she wouldn’t be with me if I didn’t have one) and the things I do to hers with it. It’s an all-around pretty sweeeeeeet deal.

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Stop Pathologizing Butches

I have said it. Over and over. I am a gender critical feminist. I don’t believe anybody is really “trans”. I am against queer and gender ideology… blah, blah blah.

Nonetheless, I’ve experienced:

• assumptions that my pronouns must be something other than “she/her” (I identify as “ti/red of your crap”, if you must know.)

• queerios and TRAs shocked that I express “biphobic” and “transphobic” views because a “real butch” would never turn her back on her “community”⁸ (The dick worshipping one? Thanks, I’ll pass…)

• random people expecting me to know popular xyz “butch” trans-identified-females (Not my kind of people.)

• self-identified “gender critical” feminists trying to reason with me that “true trans”⁹ is better than gender ideology (Ya’ll doing okay?)

• manipulative, condescending appeals that I, of all people, “should understand” why the occasional homosexual is entitled to transition in order to escape homophobia (Do you even hear yourselves at this point?)

Oh, and the occasional political lesbian¹⁰ (yes, they’re still doing that) who claims that me and my Femme are “heteronormative¹¹”.

Apparently “being butch” means either:

• a soft, fragile little flower-martyr who hates herself, her body & who caters to every group but her own

• an anti-feminist big baddie so masculine she acts like a man, wants to be a man, and treats her woman like a misogynist

If these are the two options that come to your mind when you think about Butches, you need to go outside, touch grass and talk to real people.

Black & white, misogynistic, homophobic narratives of the world are what created transgender ideology in the first place.

I don’t expect anything better from “libtards”¹². But from self-described radical feminists—supposed to be rooted in reality?

A tiny fraction still asserts the 1970s position of “Butch = man”, “Femme = straight woman”… in 2025?

What better way to encapsulate one’s feelings than through an Anne Lister gif?

You’re conjuring the phantom you vehemently claim to be fighting against.

If you want to seriously combat this ideology, you need to stop projecting your outdated gendered perceptions and ill-disguised view of heterosexuality as the only viable sexual model onto lesbians.

Everyone, don’t know how else to say this: stop pathologizing and making a freak out of butch lesbian sexuality!

And if you’re a self identified “butch” who does the whole “I am not like other girls, I am not a girl at all! Trans women are more womanly than me!” ritual—an inherently toxic-feminine, submissive one—it’s time to grow the hell up.

There is nothing “butch” about woman-hating and male worshipping.

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Butch Life Lesson

One of the most important things I’ve learned from being an outspoken gender-critical Butch Lesbian is… that it doesn’t matter.

Doesn’t matter how much you thoughtfully plan what you’re going to say. Doesn’t matter how clearly and explicitly you articulate your points.

People read your words with their filtered world-views & biases. They don’t listen—they patronize you, try to change your mind.

People see “butch” and make assumptions. All the time. Whether you’re a stranger on the internet or a passerby, they already built a narrative about you in their minds and there is little you can do to change that.

You’re a walking challenge to the status quo—first it was the hetero-feminine one, now the gender identity ideology one.

Occupying the social category of “woman” as a butch lesbian shatters the notion that in order to be a woman, you must conform to feminine stereotypes of appearance, behaviour and sexuality.

It crushes the idea that to be gender-non-conforming means to be in a perpetual state of misery.

Martyrdom and partnering up with women who wish you were male aren’t inevitable outcomes. “Gender dysphoria¹³” isn’t an innate condition or inescapable fate.

Without the “self-hating butch” stereotype, gender identity ideology falls apart.¹⁴

And they caaaaan’t fucking stand that.

From ‘The Lesbian Erotic Dance’, JoAnn Loulan, © 1990 — Chapter 6, page 129.

Learn to pick your battles. Most of them aren’t worth it.

I’m not telling you to “play nice”—never! If someone is directly disrespecting you, call them out. But for your own peace’s sake… ignore things more.

Laugh about it, let it go. Know when to walk away.

Those committed to misunderstanding you, will continue misunderstanding you no matter what.

Keep writing and talking about whateeeever you want. Don’t try to appease anybody. Look for people who’re interested in having intelligent conversations. Doesn’t matter if there’s just two of them—two’s better than none.

Slowly, you’ll even learn it’s okay to stand alone—feet firmly planted in the sand—against the waves of the gender storm.

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How about you?

Fellow gender-critical butches & studs, have you gotten any crap like this—in real life or on the internet? Would love to know how you all deal with it. Or how you don’t!

And where are the gender-critical Femmes? We need more of your voices in this discourse.

To all fellow TERFs who keep on fighting for our rights against this hideous ideology and who have the patience and time for constructive dialogues: thank you for your work. I have nothing but respect for you.

⚢ As always… your big, mean, exclusionary lesbian.⚢

- The Critical Butch

1. “Butch Assets”: this isn’t to reduce ‘Butch’ to an aesthetic, but to explain what my Femme finds physically attractive in a Butch’s female body that looks naturally different than a Femme’s. Refer to points n. 6 & 7 for definitions of “Butch” and “Femme”.

2. “Special gender feelings”: also known as “gender dysphoria”, is a condition related to one’s feelings of incongruence with their sexed body and discomfort with the expectations placed upon it. It’s a chain reaction that begins when the society and culture around you consistently reinforces the idea that not conforming to sex stereotypes—especially as a lesbian—means you’re incorrectly female. It’s not an inevitable fate, nor an innate condition, but a form of social contagion.

3. The concept of “Femme” cannot coexist with sexual attraction to the opposite sex. Therefore, feminine Bisexual or Heterosexual women are not “Femmes”. For the definition of “Femme”, refer to point n. 7.

4. “Butch4Butch”: I am under the impression that people who utilize this term are referring to nothing but aesthetics. Hold your horses—I am not saying every lesbian is Butch or Femme. A couple of two masculine-looking lesbians are perhaps better off defining themselves as “masc4masc” or whichever other term is available. Since its origins, “Butch” related to an expression of appearance, personality and sexual desire (all three elements combined) oriented toward the Femme lesbian. The concept of “Butch” as an aesthetic descriptor therefore falls apart without “Femme”.

5. “Lesbian Book”: air quotes, because Stone Butch Blues is hardly lesbian representation—it is self-hatred, self-harm, internalized homophobia and misogyny blended with pure, uninhibited trans propaganda.

6. “Butch”: while often misguidedly conflated with an aesthetic or a “performance of masculinity” or a “gender identity”, the true meaning of this term lies in the expression of a lesbian’s natural personality, appearance and sexual desire oriented toward the Femme Lesbian. Instead of blankly “masculine”, it is more appropriate to describe the Butch as a “more ‘masculine’ female than the Femme”—this lesbian sexual expression has nothing to do with emulating male masculinity and everything to do with being a more “proceptive” female homosexual partner in relation to the Femme. The notion remains unaltered even when a Butch is single, by virtue of exclusively desiring and seeking partnerships with Femmes. Only lesbians (i.e. exclusively-same-sex-attracted females) can be “Butch”.

7. “Femme”: while often misguidedly conflated with an aesthetic, a “performance of femininity” or “whichever feminine woman the Butch is dating”, the true meaning of this term lies in the expression of a lesbian’s natural personality, appearance and sexual desire oriented toward the Butch Lesbian. Instead of blankly “feminine”, it is more appropriate to describe the Femme as a “more ‘feminine’ female than the Butch”—this lesbian sexual expression has nothing to do with emulating heterosexual femininity and everything to do with being a more “receptive” female homosexual partner in relation to the Butch. The notion remains unaltered even when a Femme is single, by virtue of exclusively desiring and seeking partnerships with Butches. Only lesbians (i.e. exclusively-same-sex-attracted females) can be “Femme”. Read my post about Femme Lesbians here.

8. “Community”: I don’t care about being nice. I don’t care about “inclusivity” or allegiances for allegiance’s sake. I am not part of the “LGBT” or “LGB” community. I am a lesbian. If there’s any community I belong to, it’s the female homosexual one.

9. “True Trans”: nobody is “really trans”. You cannot conceptualize trans-sexual or trans-gender identity without relating to sex-stereotypes. It is an inherently sexist and homophobic concept. You can be gender-non-conforming without ever altering your body with toxins. Calling yourself a “sex-realist” and still holding the position that “some individuals still benefit from transition” is peak cognitive dissonance. Read more about why here.

10. “Political Lesbians”: a sect of female-separatists from 2nd wave feminism who believe lesbianism is “a choice” any woman can make to liberate herself from the oppression of “compulsory heterosexuality”. I will deepen my opinions about this inherently problematic notion in a second moment.

11. “Heteronormative”: referring to the norms of heterosexuality, or viewing heterosexuality as the only viable sexual model. The whole point of Butch-Femme is to be 1) two females 2) two homosexuals 3) embracing natural differences of female expression fully within the categories of “woman” and “lesbian”. This automatically excludes both notions of gender identity and heterosexuality.

12. “Libtard”: a person who shows no critical thinking skills, poor social skills and who blindly follows the herd of the dominant “left-wing” liberal ideology. I recently learned this term and I can’t get over it. It’s just so befitting, isn’t it?

13. “Gender Dysphoria”: refer to footnote n.2.

14. Here’s a great read to deepen this conversation.